Forming Foundation Through Uncertainty
Charles Smith and Aidan McCabe are among the youngest participants (at ages 22 and 25) in this year’s three-month closed retreat, the Yoga Development Course (YDC). They discuss the skills and tools they have acquired to face fears and difficult situations. As they emerge from their cocooned, transformative state, little did they know that the depth of their work would be a grounding force in a very changing world.
Charles: The YDC is relevant to me within the Ashram because it’s shaping the way I see and interact with other people here. It’s also very relevant to me outside of the Ashram because it’s shaping how I interact with my family and my friends.
I can get into a bit of a rut. So being able to take this time and look at myself from a different angle – flip my perception upside down like when we do the headstand – I feel it’s changed how I view the world.
I’m getting braver. Also I find the YDC is helping me build better habits. For example sometimes I can think I’m too tired and don’t want to go to Hatha at 7 am, but there’s still a fear because I think I’m going to miss something. Fear starts a reaction and when I become aware, I realize I don’t want to miss Hatha because I want to learn everything. There’s a little shift; I’m seeing how something can move from fear to courage. I used to think fear did so many good deeds for me because if I am afraid to speak up, I won’t step on others’ toes. If I am afraid to break the rules, I won’t anger other people. These are things that seem beneficial to other people but at the end of the day they are still motivated by fear that I am learning to drop.
Aidan: The YDC has been good for giving me more of an internal focus and to step back from the societal structures we have – to decide what I want to do with myself. I have a core sense of myself that I can bring into outside circumstances instead of being controlled by them. Being authentic and true to myself has allowed me to overcome fears. I’m building a better relationship with myself.
The YDC gave me the skills to interact with the world in tough situations. It brings out a lot of inner work that I’ve had to sit and be with and work around. It translates to doing things in the exterior world as well – facing challenges and uncomfortable situations for learning and growth. And learning to be in community has been beneficial. I’ve learned how to best hold space for others and how to see the beauty in others around me rather than judging or projecting onto them. I do enjoy getting to know people over time. At first I was more reserved and didn’t want to engage so much. Now there’s a real sense of camaraderie.
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